April 27, 2006

Real Illusion


Inside Out
Originally uploaded by codelust.
Is being too busy a good enough excuse for anything at all? I guess not. So I won't dish out the same thing here as the reason why I have not blogged in a while. But it has been a good break from the normal proceedings of all gloom and dullness here and strangely, I have not missed laying it all out here much. It is good, sometimes, to have your handful of secrets.

Actually, contrary to blogular perception, I am not a manic depressive, by a long stretch. I do manage to smile, be happy about things around me and other people. If there are any problems, it is with the fact that I don't tend to gloss over problems, mistakes etc and I do have this irritating knack to over-analyse.

The wise one, in the comments, had asked me post five entries on why I like my life. Five would be way too much, so I think I will make do with a couple of lines. I love the independence I have in it. I could actually pack my bags tomorrow and head out wherever I want to. It is another thing that I've never managed to do that. But the option is there, probably as a last-ditched roll of the dice.

The people I have loved, I have loved with all my heart, be it in my own weird ways. I have had the fortune of knowing more than a couple of people really up close and felt better for it. I love the fact that I have managed to make something of my life, even when I have always considered myself less than smart or talented enough to do whatever I do these days and also dream about better things for tomorrow.

Coming from a strictly middle class Indian family, with little or no academic aptitude in me, it is a wonder that I have gotten this far. In fact, quite a lot of the times I do feel that I am in place that is way out of my league, but I am not complaining and feel quite happy about it. I tend to forgive very easily, which makes my life a little bit easier on the complications side, while I do find it hard to forget, which instantly negates it.

I love the fact that even after making more mistakes, made mostly by me, than what I can count, I have managed to cling on to hope in my life. I love it that even in pitch darkness at times I have managed to come out to the other end, that I do feel life can be better and happier, even during the best or the worst times. And with that I think I should shut up and try to find my way home.