March 14, 2006

Ponder

Yet another Monday crosses itself off the calendar and I am back on my familiar perch at home, desperately trying to keep my mind away from not being able to have a conversation I badly want to have. It is not often that you run into someone with whom you don't need to have anything in particular to talk about and still have a nice time for reasons beyond any explanation or theories you can come up with. It does feel nice to be confronted every now and then with experiences that shatter your overtly jaded and cynical outlook towards everything in life -- that you can be liked as a person without having to pretend to be the ever-so strong and dependable entity, which becomes a pain when you have to be just that all the waking hours.

I have also been pondering about my long term plans. I had given myself time till I turned 28 to let things keep running the way they are now. After that I wanted to either pack my bags and set out to see the world without any specific destination in mind or set something up of my own. Honestly, I can't pick between the two. Both are equally difficult to pull off and both involve leaving one comfort zone or the other for me. But I am quite bored of Delhi and the people and I have been pondering if it is about time I got down to making good on my long-standing threat to just pack things up and leave one fine morning? Somehow I do feel that I have broken a lot of things here beyond fixing and there is a scent of a rut and the hint of an inroad into a vicious circle and I don't want either.

Setting something up of my own. Well, that is a toughie. An objective analysis of my abilities would get me a rating of zilch in terms of business sense, networking and having the knack to work well with different people. That would leave me with my only saving grace of being a problem-solver and that alone is not enough to start something. It is tempting though, since I have a fairly good idea of what can do well in the market now and how to build it, but that would take away two good years of my life and there is the risk of coming face-to-face with boredom once the initial crunch is over. But I am scoping a couple of ideas out. Getting it running and making it work, well, that is a totally different ball game.

The weekend should probably see me once again in Mumbai on a work-related trip. A change of environs should do be me a bit of good, away from all the brooding, sulking and the general chaos that I manage to place myself in the centre of all the time. It should also be fun to gobble up some good fresh sea food too. It has been a while since I have treated myself to that.