December 02, 2005

Backtrack

It has been a while, has it not? Other than a couple of instances the urge to write has all but dried up. I find my thoughts still wandering, sometimes obsessing, over the things that happened in the recent past, about how I got it all so terribly wrong and why my reactions have become so very insensitive. A part of me is banging at the door, screaming to be let out, so that it can once again go out of its way, back into a make believe world, and end up in the same old familiar situations. The other part, meanwhile, is just forging ahead with the only intention of moving relentlessly till I tire myself out and drop dead one day, disregarding what anyone else feels.

I guess one of the greatest misconceptions about me is that I am a nice person. But the fault is also mine since I used to have this bad habit of trying to appear that way. So I would end up doing the twenty seven things that are required to project that image. In quite a few cases it ended up being quite effective and, quite predictably, disaster followed. The latest faux pas should effectively signal the end of all that. I have jettisoned those twenty seven things and I have also decided to to adorn my real skin. It is no longer a requirement that anybody should like me. After all, for all practical purposes, I have managed fine during the crunch periods all by myself.

Meanwhile work chugs along at a steady pace with its own problems and pleasures. There is so much going on that it is easier to lose track and sight of what is happening around you and what you are supposed to do in the first place. The obvious results are, as you can guess, longer hours spent in office and thanks the to awful traffic on the ring road I hardly ever have any incentive to start for home before it is well past eight in the night. To complicate things further, winter is finally here in full force. Thankfully, the fog has stayed away, but even that should be in place soon enough. Guess it is about time I got some fog lamps fixed on the car. The DND won't be much fun without them.