Quite accidentally, I happened to run into an old e-mail I had sent in 2003 to a good friend. Interestingly, the thought process is very familiar. Only difference being that the optimism and the beliefs were probably much better. Below is an excerpt that has been cleaned up a bit for clarity and language. Read on.
Somehow the concept of the person whom I would like to spend the rest of my life seems to be more and more improbable the more people I seem to meet. I really do appear to have utopian ideas or pipe dreamish concepts and the funniest bit is that I am not dying for something like that to happen. I have a very low threshold for making allowances in anything that takes a fair amount of my time. Even if it does happen, in the long term, the best I can offer is live and let live. Nothing glamorous. So in most cases I am glad nothing is happening.
I am not your typical recipe for "lived together happily forever" and then there is the issue of being close to too many people. Most long term stuff is based on exclusivity and most people cannot even imagine the fact that I might be as close or closer to another person as I am to them. So, all things considered, I am much better off this way. If it happens, great; Otherwise i do not want to call my life a failure just because at 32 I do not have a wife who will wash my undies and do my kid's nappies. I will have plenty of other things to do and live happily too as long as I do not let my dick do too much of the thinking, for that matter acting too.
The funny bit was that after writing this, I went headlong into a roller coaster of a relationship that ran through almost a year before we called it off. The short version of the story, if you can see the bigger picture, is that you should never take me for my word if you can help it. I have come to terms with the fact that I am a bastard of the premium variety.
Okay, normal service resumes from this point on.