October 04, 2005

Other Side

Before the extended weekend started, we moved, with six desktops and one server in tow, across the Yamuna and into the swanky, half-done office at Noida. And over the three days I finally summoned up the courage and purpose to bring into effect changes that I've wanted to make to my life for a long time now and in the process I also managed to find a companion who has always been around, but one who's always managed to just about stay out of the line of sight. Now that the visibility issue has been sorted out, there is the sweetness of familiarity, the invaluable relief in not having to try much at all and there is also the pleasure of getting familiar once again with a language I've not spoken in a while now.

In the two months after the parting all I wanted to do was to let go, drift away in a void and get back on the wagon once I was up to it. I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically, and I knew somewhere something had to give. Things had to change, even at the cost of walking away from commitments, I was burning up way too much than what I could afford to. After a couple of the above-said 'do nothing' weekends, I decided to list out five things that I wanted to really do in life, concentrate on that and that alone, and the first item on the list was that I wanted to be happy. I no longer wanted to be the crabby, whiny, self-destructive person I had become. I had to change and if I could not manage it now, it was possible that there would never be a next time.

One of my greatest problems in life has been that I always end up being apologetic even where I have no reason to be. This time there is no such thing. I don't feel compelled to go out of my way anymore. Walk three steps with me, then I'll walk five with you. It is about time I stopped walking all the way to the other end of the field all by myself and then keep bawling about not being able to understand how the situation came to be. It has not been easy though and it is certainly not the first time that I have tried to make it happen. Well, in any case, that is how these things tend to work out with me. Keep trying forever and if you need it badly enough, one day it is bound to fall in place. The trick is to keep going even when there seems to be no hope at all.

Having moved to Noida, I have to admit that I quite like the place. The addictive pleasures of taking the DND Flyway are not limited only to comfort, it also extends to the convenience of being able to skip at least three traffic lights, trucks and the exceptionally nice feature of landing up almost right at the entrance to Film City, once you take the Greater Noida exit. Moving on from the news of the NCR variety and to something slightly off-topic, I will be turning off the Blogback comments sometime soon and switch to Haloscan. Blogger's got too much of comment spam, even with CAPTCHA on and anonymous comments set to off. I will miss Blogback though, Marcus has been brilliant with his service, but like every good, free thing it has to go too. It will be remembered very fondly.