September 17, 2005

Bullets

Even when you are completely at peace and beautifully balanced, dodging the bullet called the past is a feat that even Neos would have a hard time pulling off in the world of emotions. It just pops right at you, bang in your face when you least expect it. Days, months and weeks of self-restraint, discipline and chiding vanish in an instant.

Before soon you end up asking yourself "Why am I making the same old mistakes all over again?" Lying in its wake, sprawled on a bed of prickly and painful memories, there is nothing new to ask, know or understand. You just feel so disgusted for being part of a cycle you work so hard to avoid, but can't help getting back into with unfailing regularity.

Maybe it is the karmic cycle, maybe it is the essential tragedy of the human condition that there is nothing new to be done or experienced. Everything has been done and written about already. All you can do is to fall headlong into a tumble dryer of limited experiences and be spewed out at the end of a lifetime, cleaned to the point where all you have left is your real self - an also ran.