March 24, 2005

Questions

After living together and being virtually married for almost a year now, most people expect us to gulp down the bittersweet pill and get actually married sooner or later. The funny thing, though, with us is that we are probably going exactly in the opposite direction, leaving everyone more sad than what we could possibly be. Even though there are times when I ask myself if I have any real clue about the difficulty of what I am trying to pull off, most of the times I am quite confident of making it possible.

In the course of a year, I have learnt a multitude of things, and as queasy as it sounds to me, I have had to 'grow up' a fair bit and step out of the thinking corner where there the only botheration and the only person who is right and wronged is yourself. It has also taught me the value of commitment, in terms of time and effort, that is required to keep even the best of things going over a long period of time. There are places where you just cannot cut corners, be it the 7th day or the 7th year of the relationship.

Where I go from here is something that I have not figured out yet. For most parts, it is something that is not upon me yet and once again it is heavily tangled up with the direction that my career might take. It is no big secret that I am not happy with where I am or my own performance in the past year and a half. I can do a lot more, with better quality too, but I am not sure if I will be able to do it in a large firm. There are so many questions in my mind, to most of which I don't have any answers.