January 14, 2005

Flip Side

I could have just closed my eyes and easily fooled myself into thinking that I was somewhere else. On such a beautiful day, where the bright rays of the winter sun saunters hand-in-hand with a whisper of a breeze, I can't help but wonder what am I doing walking back to my staid and lifeless throne facing an equally lifeless 19" monitor. Only if I could have closed my eyes and let the teeming crowds disappear and have the never ending din echo and fade out into a pleasant silence.

Maybe it is just age's relentless progression, or maybe it is just a case of too many years spent trawling the plumbing behind the scenes. Neither the tsunami, nor the millions of hyperlinked madness that crowd the conversational spaces can seem to move me into reacting, feeling something or even be bothered with anything at all. In fact most of the news coverage fills me up with disgust, not because I would have done otherwise, but because I see the process, which I have been part of before, that went into creating the piece.

Conversations, sentiments and even paths that everyone take these days only seem to be vast echo chambers of one oft-repeated meme or the other. I am tired of the thesis, the anti-thesis and the contrarian in the middle. If anything, I would rather just not belong, be identified with or labelled as anything at all. I want no fucking cosmic collusion, nor do I want karmic bliss. What I want is harder to explain. Who knows, maybe I have already given up on it. Mostly, I just don't want any part of this.