January 31, 2005


For someone who has never had a problem with being verbose when it comes to writing or speaking, lately, I have found it increasingly difficult to narrate or converse using the written word. Even though a part of the blame for this can be placed on my having gone off the editing or writing chores as far as work goes, a significant portion of the blame is to be shouldered by the lack of anything original or interesting to think about. While it is critical that I overcome this inertia of near-complete rest, the signs, aided in no small part by my bad record with luck, of such a thing happening is next to non-existent.

Verbal gymnastics apart, the only significant development since the last update is that I have managed to renew my troubled tryst with the works of Doris Lessing. The last attempt that I had made at consuming Lessing with Briefing for a Descent into Hell had left me scared and unable to make any progress with the book beyond the initial stages. It has been over five years since all that and recently I had the chance to pick another Lessing, The Golden Notebook, for a birthday gift and in fits and starts history has been repeating itself, maybe this time with a different and happier ending.

There is a lot that need to be said about the book, which I would probably write about once I am done with it. From the outset it is very clear with the ultra long preface that the book is one that requires considerable investment in terms of attention, time and patience. Moreover, the unconventional structure of the book makes things even more difficult and I have already had to refer back and forth more than a couple of times to figure out what is going on, where and to whom. The book, though, is not one for the impulsive lefty hater and should only be read if you can give it a fair chance.

Moving on, one of the weird dilemmas that I have been facing has been the clash between how I cannot conceive life to be anything else than what it is now and the burning desire for something radically removed and different from where I am right now. Where I am right now is way too comfortable and comfort is not to be trusted, at least not when you are 26. Somehow, the old urge to push the boundaries further by working harder, travelling further and partying harder is making its way back. Somehow, it is all too comforting and confusing at the same time.

January 14, 2005

Flip Side

I could have just closed my eyes and easily fooled myself into thinking that I was somewhere else. On such a beautiful day, where the bright rays of the winter sun saunters hand-in-hand with a whisper of a breeze, I can't help but wonder what am I doing walking back to my staid and lifeless throne facing an equally lifeless 19" monitor. Only if I could have closed my eyes and let the teeming crowds disappear and have the never ending din echo and fade out into a pleasant silence.

Maybe it is just age's relentless progression, or maybe it is just a case of too many years spent trawling the plumbing behind the scenes. Neither the tsunami, nor the millions of hyperlinked madness that crowd the conversational spaces can seem to move me into reacting, feeling something or even be bothered with anything at all. In fact most of the news coverage fills me up with disgust, not because I would have done otherwise, but because I see the process, which I have been part of before, that went into creating the piece.

Conversations, sentiments and even paths that everyone take these days only seem to be vast echo chambers of one oft-repeated meme or the other. I am tired of the thesis, the anti-thesis and the contrarian in the middle. If anything, I would rather just not belong, be identified with or labelled as anything at all. I want no fucking cosmic collusion, nor do I want karmic bliss. What I want is harder to explain. Who knows, maybe I have already given up on it. Mostly, I just don't want any part of this.

January 13, 2005


If you are someone who is familiar with web usability (the practical and reasonable side of it, which is mostly commonsense anyway), content quality assurance, online production and is based in Delhi/NCR or is willing to relocate to the same, there might be a few jobs on offer for you.

The required skill sets would include familiarity with HTML, CSS, server side and client side scripting, visual design and experience with managing and altering work flows in the domain of content in media. Salary requirements are negotiable and are directly connected to what you bring to the table.

The job is no cakewalk and it would involve at a minimum working through a lot of chaos and confusion, thus requiring the ideal candidate to be someone who can start and get going on his own. If you are interested shoot me a mail at gmail id codelust.