December 24, 2003

Peace

What is the point in speaking if no one is willing to listen? What is the point in listening if no one understands? Have you ever wanted to just cry all day, if only it would make you feel better? Have you ever been beyond words? Beyond consolation regarding something that just disappeared and no matter how much you can talk it is just not going to come back. It is gone, took less time than it takes to snap your fingers. And all I did was to say nothing, well nothing that mattered. I was just too busy taking the blows. Bloodied even, I had to live. Towards?

Why would anyone want to compare themselves to anyone else? Are words that say precisely what you want to hear the only way to measure anything? Does actions count for nothing? As imperfect as everyone is, is there any justice in expecting perfection in me? Everyone talks about being there and so on, but very few realise what it really stands for, very few realise that it is not something that they will ever do in their lives, because it means that you put everything, including doubt, away for another's sake, with blind trust as your only companion in a dark alley. In the end, no one does it.

In the end the only crime that you commit is to not cry out loud every five minutes that the world is an unfair place, that life is tough and it is more pain than pleasure. In the end your only fault is that you lived, suffering in silence, instead of putting up all that pain as some blood-smeared epitaph that might stand a remote chance of being judged as worthy of the feelings it is supposed to represent. In the end as long as everyone else stands vindicated, the world will happily go on, as long as you are short on imperfections, you should not really care.

Everyone believes what is convenient for them. Everyone thinks they know about what the other person is supposed to feel, that is during the rare occasions when you can take the time out to grant another person feelings regarding anything. Ever stuck your neck out for anyone beyond what makes sense only in your immediate context? Ever been stupid enough to place others before yourself and walk away once the moment is over? No, it is not about recognition, it is about being treated as a human, but I guess these days even that is just way too much to ask.