August 24, 2003

Conversation

"The patient is not to be allowed any visitors, continue his time in isolation in the box with a box and the picture cards, routine medication to continue", says the doctor to the nurse after a cursory look through the case sheet.

"I am not getting any better doctor?" Asks the sullen patient.

Putting his best smile on, the doctor says, "Of course you are, you are doing quite well, it is not as bad as it looks, you will have a normal life, within the box with a box and of course, we are happy to have you here. So, really, there is nothing to worry about".

"But I have not been feeling well doc, I feel as if the world is gradually falling away from me, that I am entrapped in this box, and a box within it and the picture cards are fake. I can hear music, I can see things like I am told to, but I do not feel any of them, there is only a growing numbness."

"Nonsense! it is all very real, see how they all like you, how they all love you, how you love them and how it is all perfect"

"But I am sure you have not felt the way I am feeling doc"

"Like how?"

"Have you ever felt like disowning every single word you have every said, to drain yourself of every single bit of emotion that has ever existed in you, to give up your own self and watch it roll down the hill and be devoid of hope any desire to desire anything?"

"But why would anyone want to give up on hope, don't you think it would be wonderful when it is all better?"

"That is my point doc, I can see that you are fake, the box with a box is fake, that you are only artificially creating what does not exist in me, hope, the concept of life exists for me only in the gut-wrenching pain I feel, the pain that you cannot see or feel, the pain that all of these little toys only serve to increase."

"That is a fine yarn you have spun mister patient, but I will have none of it. Not a single word in my big fat books match the description of you condition. So it cannot be!"

"But doc, I FEEL it!"

"That is immaterial, this is just a phase, it will pass, now get some rest, tomorrow is another day!"

After pulling the drapes on, the doctor vanishes.