April 23, 2003

Such a strange war: Does anyone know if it is over yet?

The most important point that everyone seems to have missed out about this Gulf War II is that, it is truly the first free market war. There are any number of choices for you to pick from and every one seems to be having a fun time, that is if you are not an Iraqi. But hey, we knew that they were going to either rise up in revolt against the invaders or rename their sons with the prefix of GI after deleting the suffix of Saddam. Oh, it did not quite go in either direction right? Did anyone bother asking the Iraqi's? Naah.. Why should we, we all know better what they should be feeling, in fact we are absolutely sure of what they feel.

Breakfast anyone? Bread and butter? Cereal or just plain nothing? Likewise, take your pick. You could have WMDs to Bin Laden to Liberation to oil. Some even offered a mix and match deal or even a buy-one-get-one-free offer, depending on where you bought your favourite brand of reason for going to war from. Do we have conclusive evidence that it is oil? Nopes. Do we have conclusive evidence that it is about WMD, yes but no, but yes, but we should also bring in some liberation. Just in case, you see. In the meantime we shall show you wonderful pictures of Royal Marines rigging up the same buildings they bombed a week back. Please do not forget to say thanks and sign the cheque for your liberation once we put a tag on all of this. But the infidel dogs are still dying at the gates of Baghdad, though they are still 100s of miles away. Damn, don't we miss Mr Sahaf?

Pro-war, anti-war or embedded into the war, everyone agrees that there were just about 200 people at the most when the Saddam statue was toppled in front of the Palestine hotel in Baghdad. The only problem is now we cannot decide if it was staged, or a historic scene (damn, it does not take much to make history these days eh?) as crooned over by the journalists stunned into the moment in history that they were placed in. But obviously, it is very un-historic when the same people you liberated come out in the ten thousands to ask you to basically buzz off, so much so that it does not deserve even 1/10 of the airtime that the 200 odd excited souls got earlier.

Of course, we do have a very sensible explanation to it. It is just the people reveling in their new-found freedom, or as Rumsfeld put it "The freedom to commit crimes". Someone please put that man in white Buick and ask him to go alone to a ghetto in NY and walk out and buy a packet of cigarettes and experience first hand how free it feels to be mugged. While you are at it, please make sure if you can find any connections between him and the General in Vietnam who once famously said "In order to save the village, we had to destroy it".

In fact this war is so funny now that it almost feels like a WIKI. Jump straight in and write it the way you want to. But one thing I know for sure is that, the next time I need to hide something valuable, I will make sure that I keep it with the Iraqis. So, are we gonna find any WMDs? Naah... that ain't that important anymore. What about the regime? They have been killed or are on the run like Osama now (who incidentally is still doing the "you can run but you can never hide" bit comfortably for two years). What about democracy and liberation? Well.. umm.. as soon as possible. So how did the war go? Bloodless (Over 3000 dead cannot amount to much and at least it is not Saddam who is killing you, so say thanks again). So why the bloody hell are we here in the first place? Uhm.. see I cannot comment on issues are developing right now, once the State Department and Pentagon put a fix on the bloodied nose count in Washington, we sure will let you know.

In the meantime, bloggers like me and you can yell our throats sore about how right or wrong this one is. The sad irony of this war put most perfectly by BBC's Special Correspondent Fergal Keane: Without American power, Iraqis would still live in fear of Saddam. With American power, they feel weak and humiliated. Man, it feels great to be not an Iraqi. Thank God for small mercies and may the suits in Pentagon never start a file on a certain Laloo character. Oil in Jhumritalaiyya... Now, that would be some story. Rambo VII - GI In Dhanbad. Gosh, I must stop myself when i can.

Off topic: I am really sorry for not answering the comments. To be honest, have not been feeling like it at all, you know one of those mood swing things. Will pop back on it, when it all swings back. Merci and adios.