April 04, 2003

Fear

Quite interestingly, thinking is not something that has been taking a lot of my in the past few days. Nothing major to note down about either. Basically the attempt has been to make little dents on what is mundane so that it becomes a bit special, something on the lines of making sculptures with discarded things. It is quite amusing if you consider the amount of imagination, bordering on delusion, that one has to put into conjuring up a dish of chicken jaal freezy in such a manner. But it came out quite well, contrary to my expectations and the faith I have in my own ability to cook something that looks and tastes good.

To stay optimistic is quite a struggle these days. You cannot quite escape the war anywhere, resulting in reams of exasperation that cannot be dealt with by any amount of ranting. Actually, it is not just the war, it the way things are progressing, where we are headed - as a community, region, nation or the world as a whole - is quite grim. It is easy to say "look at the brighter side of things" and quite difficult to really believe in it when the light at the end of the tunnel is growing more distant with each passing day. If you look deep into the eyes of people, you can see all of us are scared, of one thing or the other. I guess I might be seeing things, but that is what I feel, that we are becoming more and more of a civilization driven by fear.

It is sort of amazing to hear me of all people talking about optimism, as words like depressive, cynical and pessimist are the ones normally used in conjunction with my nature. I guess the above paragraph sort of justifies it, but it does not quite work out that way. My personal view is not necessarily that tomorrow is going to be all good and beautiful. It goes something like it might be even worse than today, so better live it to the best of your ability and cry when tomorrow comes. Not quite avant grade optimism, but I guess I get by with it.

As I write this, it is almost eight in the morning. Way past the time I should have been home. The day is quite unplanned as usual, the only thing that was planned got cancelled a while back. Guess it is going to be another slow day with the routine brunch, bed and boredom routine.