March 09, 2003

Changes

What good is life without a good bunch of them? First up I have to rethink the whole deal about my career. After having slogged for over three years in the realm of online media, doing things from plain old writing to glorified copy-pasting to even part time server administration, I think it is about time that I moved on. The main risk is that the opportunities in this segment as a hybrid between a content and tech person is drying up rather rapidly. In my opinion, it is just a matter of time before expensive workflow integration software takes over the entire production part of the work away from people like me. So you really have to pick between staying either cent percent as a content person or a technical pointsman.

The reasons for wanting out runs deeper than that though. Most of it is fuelled by three years of self-discovery where I have surprised myself in a lot of areas and have been not very amused by others. Right now, the main urge is to settle down into a part that would involve just writing. But writing what or where is the tough question. Do not have my clues or ideas as far as that goes, but I think I know for sure that I am through with this. Even the former obsession of downloading music or testing out new software as fringe benefits from the job does not really appeal that much anymore and it takes a fair bit of effort to pull through each and every day. The body is half-willing to take the effort, but the mind is lagging and that too by a fair bit.

It is not as if I am not doing well. In fact I have done considerably well if I look at the other people who started working around the same time that I started to work, if you make enough allowances for things like a distaste for authority and dressing that I am a bit particular about. But, I feel that in mainstream media, beyond a certain level, you stop learning. It is more or less about doing the same 23 things with a fair level of consistency day in and and day out and of course protecting your own turf by means of petty politics and king-size egos. And it really scares me to think of winding up at age 32 as an also-ran, a spent force, someone with who promised a lot, but never delivered.

All of this won't happen overnight though. It needs a lot of thought as I am very impulsive and it takes often the tightest of leashes to keep that factor under control. But, I do know that this is not the way I want to spend the most productive years of my life. It really should mean a lot more than countless hours spent staring at a 15" CRT monitor and fatigued fingers dragging themselves all over the keyboard. Maybe it is just the backlash from the vacation about how much better life can be out in the real world that is prompting all this, maybe it is just a phase like so many others. Whatever it is, this is something I am going to be spending a lot of time on.