February 26, 2003

Divine Comedy

Things that should be done and posts that should be made should be done on time or you end up in a condition that I am in, not knowing where to begin and what to say. So much has happened between this post and the last that it feels as if a lifetime has passed in between.

Bangalore was fun. In fact it turned out to be a trip much nicer than what I thought it would be. Shacked up with Viggy of the Devil on a Black Fiero fame for a day and subjected him to a few of my prime tantrums while trying to fix up a booze party at his new place with a few of the junta from Delhi who were in town. And as you must have read by now we did have an impromptu Blogger meet over mugs of banana shakes at Koramangla and some wonderful music provided by the mosquitoes who were not aware of the magnitude of the page views between the five present there.

We had earlier dropped in at Anand and Suresh's (who shall be referred to as God from now on) place where a mean looking Dalmatian and a dysfunctional door bell strategically placed and engineered to prevent our entry were rendered ineffective by our persistent knocking. Poor Anand was finally forced to assume a vertical orientation from the horizontal one that he was in earlier while following the cricket match on the telly and reluctantly opened the door. A while later there is another knock on the door. And then I saw God. Clad in a Khadi kurta, he gently removed Anand from his restful posture and assumed his place and let go of the first profound thought for the evening, of the zillion that followed later.

A good twenty minutes later we run into Nilesh, who was wearing a thinkgeek tee with the shebang (yuck! off with your gutter minds you filthy lot) line "#!/usr/bin/nilesh" oops.. I mean "#!/usr/bin/perl" (what is the big difference anyway eh? ;-)) prominently printed on it. Introductions were followed by hectic attempts to try and fit the words on the blog to the actual person. All this while God was still busy painting the evening a shade of chalu orange while fending off an intellectual hot pursuit on the same lines by me and Viggy. But alas! God won in the end.

Later in the evening, after a lot of ranting and raving, the party finally happened. During the course of it, the equation of red wine+vodka+nicotine=puke worked out for me with deadly accuracy and considerable amusement for for everyone else. Monday morning arrived at the doorstep with a nice strong hangover and Viggy's brilliant coffee. My bus back home was only in the evening, so spent the time from 11 in the morning till around four in the evening with Pooja at the Barton Center, then caught the bus with a sinking feeling in my heart.

Things that I would remember about Bangalore are 1) Viggy: The dude is really something and notwithstanding the fact that we agree on a lot of things at the macro level and disagree with a lot on the micro level, you just cannot ignore his spirit (Oh yeah the hic! one too ;-)). There is not much by means of complication in him and things are pretty much met on a yes or no basis and he respects your space. Can't really ask for much more from another person right? 2) Pooja: I really wish that I could have spent more time with you pal, you are one of the sweetest people I know and I just hope you get to be as happy as you want to be. 3) Sorting out a few real bad niggles with a very close friend and still be lucky enough to have the friendship survive without much damage 4) Sitting at the Barista at Barton Center and feeling like a prop in the set of The Truman Show as I watched the people walk by.

Getting back home was not something I really was looking forward to. In the very short time I was in Bangalore I had grown to like it a lot and the people I like being there at the same time also contributed a lot. Here I have my seven month old niece as a pleasant distraction. There is something about babies, even the trademark baby smell is so infectious (I love sniffing her head with all the wispy curls all the time) and she has the most beautiful and clear eyes I have ever seen in a kid. And that does not take into account the expression that is there, totally unaffected by the melee that often goes on around her, just hope that sees her through whatever bad times that might come her way in the future. But mark my words, that kid is special.

Otherwise there is a sense of an overwhelming calm. It is driven by finally being able to bring to a closure a lot of things that had admittedly left a lot of bitter emotions in me. It always used to bother me why is it that I could never behave in the same nice way with my folks that I do with others. Gave it a shot this time and it felt nice. I guess it is the final thread that holds me back here just gradually cutting loose, this time with not much strain, just a distant sad sigh of disappointment from them echoes in the air. I really am on my own now and honestly it feels weird and a bit scary, as till date there was the bitterness or the rebellion infused paranoia take refuge in. Now there is nothing, no one is forcing my hand overtly or covertly.

A while back I would have thought of this as the endgame, now I feel differently, feels like life is only beginning now and I am happily poorer for all the conflicts that have passed away. Newer ones are there and as usual I am the joker in the pack by being my own worst enemy, but those are minor niggles that can always be worked out between good friends. And for once I am not missing Delhi whilst I revel in this golden feeling of being truly rootless. It feels good to be alive.