September 13, 2002


Can I make a wish, that too a tiny one at that? Can I freeze my life here and not move on at all? Even after all these pages of wailing and howling about how things are, to be honest, I am happy with things the way are. I love the people I have around me even with all the fights and arguments that we have. Improvement, it comes at a cost. The grass inevitably is green on the other side. This is the best it will ever get to be. I am a little child looking at his mother asking "Can we stay here for good? It is comfortable here".

I have been warned. "Stop when you can, do not tread where you are not sure of the ground". What is life without risks? Push the envelope a little further, take another step towards the edge of the cliff and yet another, the dismantled bits of rock fall on the distant bottom with the fading echoes of all the warnings. Step back. Another Houdini is born, except that there is no skill here. Just a power game between chance and sensibility. Once out of the water and minus the chains, the flashing lights does not quite show the scars. A star is born. One day chance will have its say, sensibility can be kissed goodbye. Every star has to die. Someday.

You cannot afford to stop, strive for better and higher. What would happen if you have to stop? It scares the life out of me. Meanwhile, the tired half is lagging behind, it cannot keep up with its exhilarating other half who is becoming even more of a tinier speck at the horizon. The former is gradually becoming an aging liability, it holds the latter back from the last step. The last and final step to flight. Freedom. Goodbye to mundaneness.

Can I forfeit myself? This one is broken beyond repair. Do I get another go at this?