September 24, 2002

Hello world!

Taking a peek at what the world looks like in the middle of a 5 minute recess in a whole lifetime measured by hours of pleasant dazedness. Surprise, surprise, there does exist and thrive a world that is not much influenced or affected by my acts of total self absorption.

Good, now I can at least stop pretending that at least half the wight of the world rests on my shoulders and take a walk or something.

Evaluate, re-evaluate. Relationships that is. Throw it away, if it comes back I am overawed by the responsibility the return bestows, if it does not, I get one more thing to whine about. Feels smug and smart and in control when you are riding the wave like what I am doing now. But, when it all goes down you get to experience free fall. It is scares the life out of you, gives you the best kicks and yet the next one could potentially be the last.

Someone I know died. Paid homage to him, his memory rather. Did 15 minutes of introspection. Recollected all the things I could remember about him, wished that wherever he might be now, he be happy. No, I am not kidding. Just a bit scared that someday I too will die and if I do not make it to some nice place for I fell short by a single vote of good wishes from someone, that would not be much fun. Got to have the facts on my side to make my case then, though I lose most of my cases.

Dreading the thought of the trip in a time machine towards an abscess in time and space in a month or so. Got to brush up on niceties, pleasantries and shore up the ever so flimsy defences. Got to open up that old war chest of dusty bad memories and hang on to the much maligned and abused cliches.

Put that fist up lad, ignore the nose bleed, put 'em up boy, put 'em up!

I have nothing, still I have everything to lose.