September 09, 2002

Companionship

Sometimes what is said leaves so much unsaid and often what is unsaid says so much without actually being said. A while back I was fighting the said trying to hold on to the unsaid and was going fast downhill on the mountain of uncertainty. The sensible part of me wanted to stop, the reckless other half did not, pedal to the middle. "Romeo must die". And he almost did.

Advice is not something that I take kindly to. I choose to live and die by my own ideals, no matter how stupid it might be. I have fought the most silliest of wars, at times with myself and at times with others. I have lost them more often that I would want to, walking wounded I have learnt my lessons, but those are lessons that I would never forget and more importantly, those are my lessons.

Yet, what saved me was a simple bit of advice. A friend of mine told me "The best test for any damn thing is a yes or no question. Ask yourself if at the end of all the pain and suffering are you better off with the effort or are you not?" The deceptive simplicity of the question carefully eliminates the complications that one goes through in getting to the answer, for there are no yes or no answers in the world. But, the answer for me was a 'no'.

In the end, as I lay broken and shattered in the valley I had nothing to show for it other than another addition to my lifetime's collection of scars and that simply was not worth it. And thanks but no thanks, I have an almost complete collection, I do not intend to add to them.

Having said that, the unsaid still does haunt me. I do not have any proof for it other than the simile you see on another person's face, the meanings that you read into the most ordinary of words and little signs that litter the backyard of memory that refuses to be cleaned up even by the strongest winds that blow from the land of coincidences.

But I am growing used to them being around and I love spending the precious little spare time I get with them. Like two sentimental old fools we go over every faded picture from the past, every stolen glimpse and make fun of each other and still we have the greatest respect for each other. I am getting very attached to them and would miss them greatly if they were to crossover and put on the garb of the said.

Or would I?