July 24, 2002


Confession time. I love mushy movies. I love films that have endings where the whole cast walks into the sunset. I love it when everyone is happy. It brings a happy smile to my face. It brings wonderful showers of optimism to an otherwise arid landscape airbrushed with a predominantly pessimistic shade.

How can I like such movies when I am a pessimist? Good question. Only problem is that even I have not found an acceptable or reasonable answer for that. It could be that people often like watching things which they cannot themselves be. Like a ninny watching a movie where the lead character is a superhero. Hmm.. it does make sense in a strange way. I want things to be happy and contended like in the mushy movies. Do I make sense? I do not think so. But that is rather academic.

But there is another side to things where often I feel like a marooned alien in a strange planet sending out signals hoping someone would respond. Each time a blast of those strange utterances leave the transmitter a certain amount of optimism goes with it and when it does not return 10 units of optimism is deducted from an already dangerously depleted tank. Enough of aliens now.

I am irritated, restless, I feel like an untrained sadhu on a pin cushion. Ouch! You can now imagine my discomfort. I am digressing again. But what was it that I wanted to say? As if I have any clue. I am just bluffing/fibbing. All these are just bubbles of sporadic explosions of directionless thought.

Thoughts, now why should we think? We go round and round in circles like uncivilised tribals dancing to some mad tune. I am as directionless as you are or as full of direction as any one else. Why should I think when all thought is known and thought already? Can't I just shut everything off like an obedient computer. shutdown -h now. BILP! GO SHUTDOWN NOW!

Eyes red in concentric circles, wild and wicked handlebars, clouds of smoke run to either sides of the road. I am the coyote in the mad cartoon. I am chasing meanings. I hit walls, mountains, mallets and countless other not so nice objects. Vroom vrooom......... I am riding over the hills... yes yes...... it is the end of story.... karma dharma all paid up....there I do down the cliff with a serene smile on my face. I won YEAH!!

Wake up Codey...... you took the blue pill...... that was an illegal operation...... you crossed the door. Now you are stuck here. Chase the bouncing bunny now. Skin, wheatish skin... bunny etched on skin.. chase her, chase her..... Can't be true Can't be true....... I honestly went down that hill..... in a blaze of glory.. this cannot be happening... mommie they are cheating...... I want out of this game NOW!!! Read error....... Abort, Escape, Retry. Sorry, the command exit cannot be found.

Excuse me girl but I need to go to the Queen's castle. Could you please show me the way? See I am supposed to be there for tea. She is the Queen of hearts I cannot disappoint her you see. The nice thing in nice frock turns into wicked thing in wicked dress....... KABOOM......... spell is cast the word time is erased form cognition. Damn cannot have tea with the Queen now and have lost my only chance to redeem my heart. Dive into the nearest rabbit hole...... WHOOOSH.......

She is wearing red...... blood red....... I poke my finger with a shard of broken glass...... yes. that is my blood all right. She looks brilliant. Lovely. Desirable. One step at a time towards the inviting smile. One touch. Everything falls apart. My blood is all over the place. HELP!!!!!!! Alt+F4, Alt+F4, Alt+F4..... This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down now.. you will lose all traces of sanity that was carefully built up through the session. BLIP again.

Hey you...... monkey number 12........ Started I look at the leader. Yes my leader... I mumble...... He has a funny look on his face... and resembles Brad the missed Putt. We are going to blow up the world, we are going to blow up the world..... monkeys blew up the world.... monkeys blew up the world....

On bike now........ deadly payload in pillion. Stop Stop SCRRRREEEECCCCCCCCH!!!!!!!! Cops checking vehicles ahead. Someone has let out the secret. No way I am going to get through this one. I am dead meat. Cop walks up pot bellied et al.

Can I see your license and registration please? Mad scramble for some dough to pay the bribe. Zilch. Nothing turns up. The cop is God. No no.. I mean the cop is God. He gives me a chalan for enlightenment. Take it to the nearest place of worship, you can redeem it.

TRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIINGGGGGGGGGG!!! The bell rings. In the jostle for the stairwell. Where am I? Oh it is the college, graduation days. Drainpipe jeans..... teenagers bob all around. Phew! all that was a bad dream. Walking on I run into someone familiar. No no...It is my boss...... too late to retrace my steps. Towering in front of me he hollers. Boss what happened to those special pages? There are too many mistakes. Boss this cannot go on. I point my all in one magic remote at him. CLICK! he is dust now, history.

The alarm on the cell phone goes off. It is early morning. I hear the birds chirp. Mild summer sun peeks naughtily from behind the trees and the leaves dance in the gentle breeze like school kids in a parade. Pack up time. Not a good idea it is to finish ahead of schedule. Yet another boring day beings in another boring way. YAWN!