January 28, 2002


Would I be wrong if I choose to believe in a private delusion that is comforting, than to be tormented by reality as perceived by the public?

January 22, 2002


The new media offers you a certain level of freedom that is not possible with the conventional one. The best examples for this are of course weblogs, media houses like El Reg whose style of journalism is unconventional to say the least and of course the one and only FuckedCompany.

But how long all these would last is a another matter altogether. The scenario right now reminds me of the flower power era when everything (yes including sex) was for free. Servers.......bandwidth... warez, you name it..... we had it all too, the new economy equivalent of whatever they had. But the era did not last and so will not this one. So if you do not find this blog here after a while when even blogger will go bust.... I will have the pleasure of telling you..... I said so :) Still, the amount of freedom it gives you is tremendous. But even that is disappearing if you care to ever look at the moronic documents which you have the pleasure of just scrolling down without even the least amount of care called as the terms of use. Most of these are so craftily worded that any content you put up on a website does not ever belong to you, other than when you say something defamatory.

Well, yesterday it was the weirdest breaking story, now as usual when the whole shebang has gone nowhere they come out and deny it all. Yes its official now...... AOL was just flirting with Red Hat in a hot tub with fine wine and the works and there was no chance of a long-term relationship in it... just a one night stand :D. Have to say rightly so because it beats me what the hell would AOL be doing with Red Hat in the first place. The normal world equivalent would be a trucking company trying to buy over a huge poultry farm just because poultry forms a part of the things that they deliver and hell yea its shopping season. Update: Had to add this in. For a realted line on this topic check this real inane discussion on k5.

Love him or hate him. but Tom C Greene is the man to have in a publishing house if you are looking for trouble. Excerpt from his latest quip on El Reg: "....but managed to get derailed by a single girlfriend who I later married because I couldn't think what else to do with her." Derogatory to women? Yes. But man this guy has some sense of humour. Get the whole article here [notice: not the for the non-geek hearted].

Back in my personal world things have been chugging on with the usual boring trauma... thrills and uneventfulness that has become oh so normal now. Managed to piss off a close pal [wots new eh?] inane parleys on the concept of zero in existence when I should be catching up on precious sleep in the daytime continues.... nicotine intake is on the rise [tho its milds now than the regular one, i console myself], system has been alcohol free in the presence of a litre+ of the stuff..... [yeaaaaa!!!] :)) career as usual stares down the void.... and kinda getting used to it. I guess i am also growing up to be incompetent eh? Been through the umpteenth ../configure, make, make install, install routine of the routine webserving suite on Cygwin on my rig. Getting a sniff of success finally! More madness next time around!


January 17, 2002


Won't be posting much today... Low on sleep from the past three days now... The grind is going to be hectic today, will be brainf*$#d by the time I am through. Tomorrow and day after shall be the same. So do not expect anything here. Dammit my homepage is 8 levels deep, so much for good UI and blah blah. Sometimes I do wonder most of the bloggers (inculding me yep) put a counter on the page. I can assure u (in this my case me) that the only ones to come to my blogs are me :) Some loyality eh. Still...... have to keep it there :p

My blogger code: B6 d- t++ k s- u f i- o+ x- e l-- c [thanks to Ashok for the link]


January 16, 2002

Wednesday musings

Jason Perlow, president of systems integrator Argonaut Systems told eWeek. "Microsoft could be releasing patches to patch the patch -- who knows what they're doing at this point." [from SVtech] When you hear people talking about a company in these terms it really convinces you that they deserve all the 'praise' they have been getting. I mean a patch is understandable, but a patch for a patch?

And to imagine that this is the firm who wants you to trust all of your personal data with them. Their Windows Update service [A service that gets suggests the patches and updates that your system lack] had been down for the better part of this week. As of writing this it is up and running now but a tad slow. The question is what happens if your personal data is handled in the same manner?

SVTech and Dan again and this time its his take on the dotcom bubble and the Enron saga in a much wide perspective. Capitalism is fuelled by greed, but ultimately it requires trust. The insiders who pull their tricks on the rest of us are making it harder and harder to believe in the equities markets, says Dan. Lordie lord is Dan turning into a commie now? Will neo communism come out of the closet in America. Imagine Dubya quoting Marx. Now that will be something eh?.

Newsbytes reports that the .name top level domains are going online from today. Welcome to another mega round of domain name litigations and so on... One bad idea this is if you ask me for the domain name monopolies to milk ego maniacs.

The latest issue of New Yorker carries two very good articles. One on the lost city of Herat in Afghanistan by Christopher De Bellaigue. A simple write up sans all the politics and diversions,one can even call it semi surrealistic. The second is a filmography on Dame Judi Dench.

This is why I am not a geek, because I would rather be here than there.

Why the hell is K5 so slow now? And this is a riot...... though not front page grade post.

Yep the tiff with the pal is reasonably sorted out :)


I cannot walk for you, I cannot make you walk..........
I can only walk with you, help you get up when you fall...........
But I cannot walk for you, I cannot make you walk.......


It rained yesterday...... And then I realised how much I missed it. Rain back home is something special. You just cannot understand the beauty of it where I am right now.

They come over in hordes the clouds....... With a heavy heart...... dark thoughts, secrets, of the oceans.... deserts and the lands its crosses....... blessings of the people they fell on... ire and prayers of others........ Can see them from the distance...... on the horizon...... dark and beautiful....... raising the dust with the first few drops..... the earthly smell rises..... falls on the eyes and lips...... moist....... wet......puddles form..... little muddy streams run... crisscrossing each other..........travel back in time..... as children splash in the pools and a thousand thoughts lash the mind..... it is over now...... quiet....... the last few drops fall off the leaves... the sound it makes....... Nostalgia.... images.......thoughts........

Why is rain so special? After all it is just drops of water falling from the sky. Like people and relationships.... rain also comes...... exhilarates you......drenches you... romance..... attachment... but all that is left in a while is silence.... And we the faithful wait for the next storm to come our way......

Last year, was in Indore for a while... on my annual sabbatical...... Place where I was staying was in the middle of an old field, flanked by mountains in the distance.... it started drizzling and Kishore Kumar was playing in the background. Was beautiful, even mystical -- in the sense that it was so ordinary, but now so rare too..... The song was Rim Jhim Gire Saawan. It precisely summed up the mood and the sight that i experienced at that time.

In shut down mode now... Reasons are not so simple.... Let us say precautionary it is. Am sure what is coming my way is not nice. Got to brace for it.


January 14, 2002

Am i Geek or not?

Something that constantly has got me wondering all the time.......... Am i a geek? The answer is no.. I do love technology and coding and the inner workings of a lot of things but I do not think my idea of a decent life is spending hours in front of a console looking at obscure lines of code.

Work takes up most of my time and that is a serious issue coz ideally I'd like to spend most of the time at home with my books, music and of course tech. The dream scenario would be working freelance, a broadband enabled network and approx 4 rigs to play with. ;) not quite a geeky ask na?

Could have been way way worse you see, I could have asked for a Gigabit LAN with DSL routers, Quad Xeon boxes UltraSparcs and Octanes and the works.

But i am not....... so get moving asap and send in enough moolah to get me at least the first option. k?
The 'Google effect'

Sort of like the term.... Tho at the rate at which it is going, it might even be called as the Kim effect. The term has been coined by Dan Gillmor of SV.

It is funnily enough an inadvertent result of the new ultra powerful crawling bots that the serach specialists firms have now. Well, to cut a long story short, it does not need a hip TLD to get your information across because of these search engines.

Sunday was kinda nice..... did attend the concert.... was not great by any means but made for a welcome break from the regular routine. Watched a movie at the cinema after ages too - The Princess Diaries. Was a cute movie if you cut out the "I can serve the world better" bits from a 16 year old's mouth. And of course Julie Andrews rules!

The grind calls........ gotta get back to it......


January 13, 2002


Chances of saving a friendship=almost zilch
Fatigue level=very very high
Mood=Pissed but hanging on

Okay, its early Sunday morning. Work is finally done, it has not been a good day at all. Been slogging away for ten plus hours at one go. Alone too. An ole colleague played a real nasty one on me. Have to let that and the person go from the thoughtspace. My body hurts, need sleep.

At times I have no clue why I am such a sucker for punishment..... Have you ever heard of people being nasty to you because you are not nasty or rude or inconsiderate...... Strange are the ways of the world indeed. I so need to switch my life to something else.

Had a feeling I was going to hit the downs again.......... Been struggling against the flow with almost all the people around me going down, doing the chin up thing and so on. It is but kind of unrewarding though. Because all it takes is something small.

I am not making much sense ain't I? Cannot be blamed...... I am dead beat..... no Net no posting on days off from work..... planning to go for a concert tomorrow...the condition I am in... I have no clue if i can make it though.


January 12, 2002


Why am I writing all this here? Why should I open my life and my mind in part and at times the whole to total strangers? Am reading rumi and the below mentioned article at the same time. A huge crisis on hand where I might possibly have to say bye to one of the people I value most in life. It will hurt, but I have no other way round. Another one shall be on my hands by the 17th. Life is oh so exciting eh?

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field.
I'll meet you there.

-- Rumi


Being a noomeejahoor this makes interesting reading for me. It is on one of the most successful vapour value powered firms of the dotcom boom and the bust that followed.

January 11, 2002


What do you think of your life? Does your's have specific aims and objectives? Do you want to climb the ladder of social success to somewhere? What does work mean to you? Does it involve any passion at all or is it just an excuse to line up for the pay cheque at the begining of the month.

I have been working for almost two years now and the only way I can think of working is to slog my ass off. Know any other way to do it? lemme know
Welcome Abroad

Another one bites the dust and takes to blogging. Welcome abroad Kanu dear.

January 08, 2002


Posting after a long long time...... In maybe a first for the whole time on this blog I am happy!!!!! For no special reason, its kinda cyclical i guess..... like a catheriene wheel.... come down for a while and go up.

Well, there are a few reasons I guess. Just gave up on outstanding issues, there is not much i can do ab't them, so just left em to get worn and the shores of time, let us see how they come up. And mebbe i am getting comfortable in my job.... growing upto be incomepetent? who cares it does not offer me much in return.... so i do not really have to give my life to it eh?

was asked by vij today why there are no happy entries in this journal....... well i dunno, i scribble best when i am in a state and do not feel like anything when i am happy......wot do u think? i am a selfish pig na? ah keep all my happiness to myself.


January 04, 2002

Winter of discontent........

Sometimes it is not enought that you give all to life. Somehow things fall short, people stop short, you struggle on all fours to make it there, miserably failing, the world wathches and laughs, friends foes all.... It always falls short, love, hate, care, concern, dislike, name it..... its never ever enough.

I have a strange feeling my life is spinning out of control. I am just holding on to the edges wherever possible. Everything is getting to be just a blur. The new year has been horrible of late. I have a feeling something is going to give pretty soon. I am exhausting my precious little stock of sanity at an alarming late.

The few things that I hold on to to give me direction are giving away. People that I rely on suddenly are begining to look like strangers. Is it some conspiracy or just that I have been making bad judegements all my life? I have been wrong, but it cannot be possible that I have been wrong all the while no?


January 02, 2002


Am still picking up the debris. It had to crash, excess baggage in loads and it did. Its still scattered all over..... and people who were near got splattered with it...

I am picking up all of it, throwing it into a room, locking it firmly shut behind me.

Something that you cannot see, cannot be there. Something that you do not look at, you cannot see.

I do not want to see it any more, just shutting down a part of myself, do not want it with me.

Hope it will die with time, even otherwise I do not care, so long as you keep the wound under loads of dressing and not look at it ever you will get used to it and forget that it ever exists.

Call it a resolution or whatever, what has been happening in the recent past with me will not happen again, think i am better off without the humilation.......