November 07, 2001

Tears

I died again today, on the footsteps of heaven. Heaven that I thought was mine, at least I secretly thought so. Time and again it happens, sick jokes are sent with an air of deja vu. I do not have answers, just tears, silent soft ones, why did I have to die again?

Shall I send a thimble each of these tears to all those who have meant anything to me? No I won't, they will spit into it and keep it away, even these tears do not belong to me, they would not want me to cry. I shall lie from now on... I am happy coz i am dead. I have ceased to exist.

This pain has to stop somewhere...... this hurt is too much...... I am at a loss for words to explain how it feels..... But then why do I see things where there nothing? Is that I am just delerious or is it that I am the most available dummy to play a prank on?

No I was told it was no joke, I asked again.... It was not.... I lie here now....... dead