November 29, 2001


Workin on my own blog code.. need back up for all the stuff i pen coz its done on free stuff... no dough=no relaibility....... so no news for a while....... ;)


November 24, 2001

Just great

How much better a start can you have for your day?

1) No transportation to get to work
2) Sis complaints ab't u "neglecting her"
3) Work sucks
4) So does life

November 23, 2001


I am not ashamed, I am doing it again, I am walking away and I am happy.

Call it a favour or a curse or a gift, somethings always remain the same, you cannot erase of yourself what you are and no matter wot I cannot erase the fact that i am a sucker.

I smile when I lose and the deeper the loss, the more peaceful the smile becomes. I am smiling again and I am at peace, I am not complaining.

November 20, 2001

Just for once?

Seems hard to do it.... but I should manage it once in a while..... but i cannot seem to..... get blamed for all that is wrong.....

November 16, 2001


Am feeling sleepy, need a nice warm bed......... skin and some warm coffee to stay alive........ any takers?

November 13, 2001


Why is it that I feel like committing murder now?

November 10, 2001

Walk away

Just that is all, go walk away, be like everyone else....... you are welcome to... thanx for using this form of entertainment....... Just do not leave your memmories with me, that is all that i charge..

November 09, 2001


Somewhere there has to be a point to all this. When and where i have no clue, do not ask me but i am sure there is or i must at least delude myself there is.

there are 24 hours in a day and the number of hours that i am happy or that i think i am happy is like almost zero. It's a wonderful world with multi-colored madness in it. Nothing is stable in it. People colors moods. One fantastic painting.

Someone hung up on me bcoz i was tryin to be funny........... and i was not offending anyone... mebbe i was offending just myself......... and she slammed the fone down...... why? and have not heard from her since....... life will never make sense to me..... like the song goes "the more i know, the less i understand"

my daily routine as a graph resembles some wild goose chase, even by the time i reach the first node i am a loss to where my initial objective was ot is it that i do not have one at all?


November 07, 2001


I died again today, on the footsteps of heaven. Heaven that I thought was mine, at least I secretly thought so. Time and again it happens, sick jokes are sent with an air of deja vu. I do not have answers, just tears, silent soft ones, why did I have to die again?

Shall I send a thimble each of these tears to all those who have meant anything to me? No I won't, they will spit into it and keep it away, even these tears do not belong to me, they would not want me to cry. I shall lie from now on... I am happy coz i am dead. I have ceased to exist.

This pain has to stop somewhere...... this hurt is too much...... I am at a loss for words to explain how it feels..... But then why do I see things where there nothing? Is that I am just delerious or is it that I am the most available dummy to play a prank on?

No I was told it was no joke, I asked again.... It was not.... I lie here now....... dead
I feel the most intense hatered for myself now

not a good sign :(

Am kinda likin it here... esp since blogback is up now....... someday am gonna fiddle around with the templates.... nice feature, like that like that ......... ;)

@work and listening to takfarinas....... as usual bobbing up and down in a sea of depression trying to follow all so rare beams of light frm the lighthouse of happiness..... someday am gonna crash against some rocks and sink in some unknown shores..... peace........


November 06, 2001

High And Dry

Sometimes.......... when it hurts ya so bad...... wot do u do? U smile and you walk away...... Defeated? yea.......... Dejected? yea..........

Lost for words - the song and the feeling

November 02, 2001

Bad days

Well when are they not bad eh? Hmm....... had a nerve racking day till now..... a great good pal screamed at me for like half an hour together... For a change the fault was mine, in fact the whole relationship in this case is a markedly different from what i usually get into. Give and take ratio is like 2:98. Started the day with wanting to lose her....... ended with wishing like hell only if things were easier and that she stayed on with me...... Unrealistic expectations....... wot started the day with...... is where i am now........

Have lots of work to do..... plus a nice personal project to code....... Might list it on sourceforge if some day i can get the quality of the code to something like even a pre-alpha level. Well, what is it? heheheee..... a goddamn CMS of crs........... :)